Many experts agree that money issues are the main reason for divorce and marital issues in the U.S. Dave Ramsey, author, radio talk show host, and television show host, says, “After years as a financial counselor and working with marriage counselors, I know that money and money fights are the #1 cause of divorce…[1]” Several recent news reports of domestic murder-suicides indicate that job losses or extreme levels of debt were at least underlying causes, if not the primary cause, of the mental breakdown of the apparent perpetrators [2,3].
While most Americans are not in danger of such extreme distorted reactions to their finances, the current economic crisis has underscored the financial pressures on many families. There are strategies that couples and families can use to strengthen their relationship instead of allowing debt and money pressure to destroy it.
Hiding Debt from a Spouse
There are two types of money issues that can destroy a marriage. The first money issue occurs when one spouse hides debt from the other. Broken trust in a marriage is very difficult and time consuming to repair. Whether the hidden debt is a result of spending sprees, gambling, or some other cause, each spouse is responsible to the other spouse in a marriage.
Hidden debts are usually a signal of deeper marital issues. If for no other reason, the offending spouse, through his or her actions, indicates that the habit or addiction is valued more than the marriage itself. Couples can work through this type of issue, but may require some counseling. In some instances, the offender may need counseling and family support to stop or reduce the habit and the couple may need additional support or counseling to help rebuild any lost trust.
High Levels of Debt
The second money issue occurs when finances are out in the open, but high levels of debt and the resulting instability created by such debt creates stress on the relationship. Generally, men tend to be riskier and are less likely to accumulate a large emergency account. Men would rather use that money as a means to invest for larger returns or spend it on something status related (type of vehicle, etc.). Women are generally more security oriented and are more likely to sleep better at night knowing there is a large emergency fund available in the event of a job loss or a large unexpected expense, such as a medical expense.
The key is for the couples to openly discuss their current money situation and to discuss a plan that would make each of them feel better and less stressed about money. In many cases, the two will find common elements that they can start to work towards right away (such as pay off debt). In other instances the couple may start to understand each others’ goals and see their financial situation through their partner’s perspective.
Not All News is Bad News
There is a silver lining to the financial pressure created by the current economy. Rabbi Shmuley, a guest on Oprah Radio, pointed out that, “Financial pressures afford an opportunity for husbands and wives to become closer.[4]” Couples can use this current economic correction as an opportunity to correct their own personal finances. Now is the time to open up to each other, work together as a team towards common goals, and change their current path towards one of wealth and stability. By opening up better communication channels, the couple will have a stronger, healthier, and more successful marriage.
Sources:
[1] http://www.daveramsey.com/the_truth_about/money_and_relationships_3889.html.cfm
[2] http://www.nowpublic.com/world/debt-and-depression-cause-murder-suicide-maryland
[3] http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/BREAKING-NEWS-Bodies-Found-in-Wilmington-Home.html
[4] http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahradio/sboteach/20080828_oaf_sboteach
Bill Pratt - Bill Pratt is a former credit card executive turned student-advocate. He is the author of Extra Credit: The 7 Things Every College Student ...
